ILLUSTRATION: ARE YOU UNDER OR ABOVE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES v Make no mistake about it, you and I live in a NEGATIVE world and the circumstances we encounter lead to being either positive or negative. Absolutely not. We know in our hearts that they are good men or we wouldn’t have married them in the first place! The first step that we walk ladies through is rather simple: lay down your swords of anger, resentment, coldness, and hostility and start using Biblical weaponry. And as his assurance that God loved him no matter what grew, Ron began to grow in his trust that change—of both he and Jenny—was up to God and not him. In Malachi 2:16, God outright says, “I hate divorce.” It would seem that this would automatically preclude any thoughts of divorce, no matter what your spouse’s offense. Let go of judging or thinking that you know better. As Ron began to learn that no matter what Jenny did, he could still love her, the first thing that actually changed was his attitude toward her. All of these changes come about by patience, faith, and love. Click Here To Download. And if changes do not occur, we can still love. He derived power from my meekness. But as the marital therapy began, it did not take long to understand one of her husband's frustrations—Jenny was negative about almost everything, especially about everything her husband, Ron, did. You don’t become happy by being selfish. But your spouse can be basically a person of good will and still be negative. Stay home and monitor your health. And to provide hope, I can honestly say that everybody I've ever encountered who committed to loving their negative mate over the long haul without expectation of return, has received a positive return—even if that return was only a peace within themselves that comes from loving our mates as God intended. How have my patterns of interaction allowed the behavior of my mate to continue? When you speak negatively of your spouse to others, you do a number of things. Remember, the only change you can control is what you do. Wonderful thoughts by Dr. Force and commenters. Knowing the wisdom God gives through His Holy Spirit I am able to understand how you can explain not only from a man’s point of view but a woman also. 4 Ways To Stay Positive When Your Spouse Is Negative – by Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley. They were even able to form a marital pact in which they agreed to help each other lovingly in their attempts to change. I didn't realize how deeply marriage would change my other relationships. Proverbs 16:3 “Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.” Don’t be a Victim. Overall, keep in mind the advice of Dr. Gottman: For every negative create five positives. "For at least three days," he'll answer. Two, recognize and trust your positivity. Dr. Tim A. Gardner is author of Sacred Sex (WaterBrook) and Director of The Marriage Education and Policy Center at the Indiana Family Institute (an affiliate of Focus on the Family). And let me stress again, I said commit to loving over the "long haul." I notice when I decide to not let my circumstances control my identity, I can live my life based on the confidence of knowing who I am in Christ- because unlike my circumstances- He is constant-MY constant. And if you find yourself in that situation, you should seek competent help. Think of it as a “cheat sheet” you can easily refer to as you turn your negative wife positive. We have noticed this switch of role issues throughout our marriage. All this article does is heap more shame and blame on victims I wonder if others do, too? The children would become ill, her husband would have an affair, their money would run out, and she knew she wasn't really attractive. Does that mean we should put up with any type of abusive behavior from a negative mate? CT's weekly newsletter highlighting the voices of women writers. A simple look, tone of voice, or just their demeanor can throw you into a negative spiral, leaving both of you in a huff. I depend on God in each situation to help me with my words and attitudes. It is common for someone to whom I've given this counsel to come storming into my office and declare that loving his mate unconditionally "did not work." No. First, it is what she knows, and, second, she is still trying to find the approval from a significant male who has eluded her all her life. Wise and a foolish woman floods him or her with your loving, positive energy foolish woman a! There that she will prove the depth of her life would turn sour own experience to. 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